i am so fuming with the people i chose to call friends. they have been with me through the pain, the crying, the mood swings and everything.. but tonight.. tonight they were pure 'cee you enn tee's' as my girl would say... so cute'ly. i can understand them wanting me to socialise.. but they have always been so understanding, i dont know what happened to that tonight.
not only that... but i want to show the girl i love, the girl i WILL get to marry me, that i will be there... they took that away from me. i cooked.. i cleaned.. i even smiled and played nice, when i had my girl on sporadic words. and then they decided i didn't need to. i do need to. i need to show her how i feel because she doesn't believe it like she did. and actually fuck that! she doesn't need to believe it.. because it will always be there.. i will always be there. and tonight i couldn't do anything to stop the destruction of her trust in me :(
i feel so incredibly sad.. but that really doesn't matter. she feels alone... and that kills me.
i don't want to write anymore. i have let her down... and i could never make it up to her...
i do not deserve the girl the entire world wants. i don't care how big my friends are.. i should have hit them harder.
i hope my eyes show her what i can't :(
i miss my frankie so much. i am so lost without you buubuu.
let's disappear. i want our life. x
