you're living louder.. let me hear you.

this is for the torn, the damned, and the shattered. in other words… this one is for the beautiful. break me. break me into a million pieces. chew me up and spit me out. i won’t mind at all. i’ll laugh from in between your teeth with a broken back. the human race is so concentrated on and fascinated by perfection, smoothness, and wholeness… and i will never understand why. broken is beauty. just because you are bruised and broken, does not mean you are down and out. you are still you. a shattered you, is still you in different pieces scattered around on the tile floor. i see it as opportunity. the chance to rebuild. you see, you can put yourself together again in whatever which way you would like. in the end… you are back together. thought out and admired piece by piece. you are a beautiful mosaic. a combination of tragedy, happiness, mindfulness, and memory all molded together to create YOU. to them you are just another broken heart; but to me, you are a piece of art. remember that. the same goes for scars. i have learned to love them. anyone can have smooth porcelain skin or a seemless heart… but there is not a soul in the entire universe that has the same scars as you. many people have smooth clear skin. how boring! i enjoy the things that make you different and unique. how boring it must be to be strong all the time. to be a fragile piece of glass shows that you have something to break…and having scars shows that you have chances to take. if your soul is like a canvas, then that must mean that scars are the lines in which we see ourselves drawn, and in my eyes… there is not a single negative notion or thought in that. if you’ve been hurt…keep your head up. that means you’re alive. laugh at the ones who walk in between four walls and straight lines. while they cash in cheap smiles… you are living. you are feeling. you are going through hell to shake the devil’s hand so when you come back up for air later you’ll have a story to tell; when all the “perfected” have is a soul to sell. don’t be afraid of getting kicked to the dirt sometimes. from the dirt; a flower shall grow.

Kristen.

yeah, ink may stain my skin
and my jeans may all be ripped.
i’m not perfect
but i’m perfect for you

there’s no guarantee
that this will be easy.
but wings aren’t what you need,
believe me.
no, i’m not an angel,
i’m just me…
but i will love you endlessly.
wings aren’t what you need,

you need me

R.I.P happiness

we all know nothing can last forever.. or even start properly in the cases of things that actually matter.

forever is only a perception of lasting that needs to be shared. it means nothing if it isn't shared.. and rarely... no, never can someone's forever match another's. and therefore the concept of forever is just a concept. the idea of consistency in anything is make believe. it doesn't happen.. so get used to it.

forever can only be a string of moments that seem to never end. one way or the other, it always ends. either through one side giving up in the belief of a concept, or the belief never being there in the first place and that word being a concept of overactive imagination and well constructed lies.

but it's fun.

the kind of fun a roller coaster would be that smashes your chest against an awkwardly out reached pole after about a minute. it is fun.. great fun. if you think too much about the inevitable, about the pole coming towards you then you don't enjoy the ride.

you might as well, it is the only and last one you will get.

it's inevitable.. get going. enjoy it. love the forever whilst it is there, because i can guarantee you it won't last long.

oh.. and awkwardly out reached poles hurt.

Life doesn't feel like ever playing fair, so play dirty.

well today was a fucking waste of time. does anyone else ever think the day would have been more productive if they indulged in a coma? yeah.. that bad.

FRESH.

pre-flight entertainment

Superted! Why is superted on in the airport?
I know it is early.. But, cartoons? 90's cartoons?
Suspicious? Sure.

Why did the owner throw away a super teddy bear? He showed them! Because little did they know that this bear was super!!
Wait, didn't he get sprinkled on my some tramp man? Which.. Retrospectively, wouldn't have happened if he wasn't discarded. So, in a way, the hardships of early life can formulate opportunities and orchestrate your character in later life. Has a thesis ever been written on superted? Hmmm.

Also...
I can understand the archetype of the young hero in the narrative story structure. I can understand the miser. The heroin, yeah. What I can't understand, is the archetype of the gay thing that always falls apart?! How did that enter our cultural consciousness??! Tex. C3PO. Erm.. I'm sure there are others.. But 2 is more than enough.. Surely?

Ridiculous carry on.
Flight time.

"We have before us the glorious opportunity to inject a new dimension of love into the veins of our civilization"

...too true.

blah blah blah

i miss Frankie...

i will be alone. for keeps.

...

i love it when tv shows subtitle mexican people speaking english. all the subtitles might as well be saying "i'm a fucking retard" instead of subtitling what they are saying.

I was brought to tears when i read the spoon theory – first by shame for not having understood when my girl first got diagnosed, and then in empathy for Frankie. While I’ve witnessed the pain of Lupus – and even helped nurse her during some of the painful moments – I have NO IDEA of the pain, discomfort, depression, sadness, et al that she feels every single day! I have seriously let her down, and all i can do is learn and understand and be what she needs. To be on her side, and fight in her corner when she cannot.