i am waiting for the slow upload of some videos i want to send to the girl of my dreams... i figure it will be easier for her to rest if i bombard her with amazing mu-hooovies and programs and stuff for her to chill out to. and i didn't realise i had to open a new account to upload big files.. so it has taken a while.
why i am waiting i am taking the opportunity to RATE and SLATE a couple of things in my life right now.
i am RATING the flapjacks my sister made this morning.. they are the best flapjack i have ever tasted! and i am somewhat of a connoisseur in the realms of flapjack.. they used to do these ones at my old gym that had a whole layer of fruit on top.. like a paste or a pulp.. and they were good. but my word, these flapjacks took that gauntlet and smashed it against the restraints of ordinary flapjack production. i couldn't explain what made them so good... maybe she knows mister Kipling? i have no idea. all i do know is that i pinched a cheeky slice to eat whilst the kettle was boiling, and ended up eating half the batch. damn that's good flapjack. thinking about it, i want another one!
i am SLATING the condition my body is in after the last two days! my word i am in pain. ok.. i knew i hadn't done weights in a while and i would get the usual sore chest from benching.. expected, sure. and even the cardio work i did hasn't had much effect because i am fairly active when i'm not at the gym... cricket and running and stuff. but the BRUISES i have!!! oh my i look like a plum! i am purple all over. something about the last two nights and the two games of cricket i've played... that big, red, ROCK HARD ball seems to be gravitating to me and i am not all too pleased with it. i have a bruise on the inside of my knee.. oh that is from saturday actually.. when i was standing in the most ridiculous fielding position ever (right under the batsmans f'in nose!) and instead of jumping out the way when he hits it at you, i stopped it with my knee. idiot. then tuesday i played a bunch of fucking wankers.. i am not racist.. but when you get a group of young asian lads together, and when i say group i mean 'crew', they are the biggest bunch of cee you en tee's imaginable. and what's worse, they were shite!!! they only had even a slight chance of beating us (a team with only 4 actual cricketers, of which non could be fucked!) because they brought in two ringers, who we happen to know, and happen to be up in the league's top run scorers. in fairness to those guys, they got convinced to play because they were told we would put a full side out, and when they realised the few of us who were there couldn't be fucked.. they felt a bit bad.. especially as they were helping those OCEANS win. (ocean, get it? the SEA word.. C word.. ok, maybe not.. ) so their team got a fucking unreasonable score because of the 2 quiet white boys who actually play properly. and the rest of the team did fuck all except cheer every run that they scored and shout chav comments from the sidelines, including a lot of 'blud' and 'brap' 's.. do they know they are not black, and they live in rugby and not in compton.. i guess not. ANYWAY.. they thought they had won it easily when they got a score of 208 of 120 balls. to be fair.. the rest of the population would as well. so me and neegs rock up... and without being big headed, couldn't be bothered to put in the performance we are capable of because we are a little lazy and had just been driven mad by these flippin mother lickers. but then.. 2nd ball in.. one of the asian lads, who apparently thinks he can bowl quicker than the speed of sound, tried to take my head off and hit my shoulder. (ok, in fairness to him i did hit him in the head when i was bowling.. but only because he tried to give me some chat after he missed one, saying "you are too shit for me to bat to" and stuff like that.. so yeah, i pounded one down and hit him straight in that fat head of his, trotted down the wicket and said "you're right.. you can't hit it") but yeah.. he put the powers off piss into one to try and split my head open.. and he hit my shoulder.. then gave me some chat about something "blud" and blah blah kiss my teeth.. god knows. BRUISE NUMERO DOS! me and neegs then decided that we were going to shut those clowns up and show them how shit they actually were. took them to school. well actually, took them to BOOMTOWN. and more importantly, shut them up when we were on 98 off 48 balls. they were nervous. THEN.. mr Negus at the other end.. finding his timing and getting into it, drilled one absolutely sweetly.. straight into me at the other end. that hurt a LOT! bruise count up to 3. i then smashed one into my own foot.. bruise 4. and i had one of their dick head players try to intimidate me by throwing the ball at me.. which hit me on the bottom of the back.. bruise 5! and then.. last night.. one on the arm from diving to stop the ball. one on the chest from diving to save the ball.. one on my knee from hitting the wall when sliding and trying to save the ball... and one on my ankle when i stupidly stuck it out to stop the ball off my bowling.
total bruise count... 9. i am like the walking wounded. but i am a big boy... just slating not being able to lie down without laying on a bruise. stupid game this cricket malarky.
